Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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