that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
