were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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