i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
