Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
