wrigley field is MILF paradise
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
