did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
