this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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