Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
