in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
