they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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