need another drink. this is the easiest way
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
