How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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