i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Randomize
