All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
