On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
