yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
