Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
