That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
