FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
