: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
