They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
