i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
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