Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
