I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this will be a night to untag.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
