Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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