After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
