I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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