ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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