Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
