Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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