I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
