help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would ride that face into the sunset
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
