I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
