we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
