Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
