just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
