It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Shame - the story of my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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