I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
