oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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