I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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