my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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