Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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