Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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