i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
