I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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