Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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