I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
