I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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