Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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