they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
