Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
