You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
