We're like a lot better than the average bears
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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